The year 2010

The following passage was written on Dec 31, 2010.

As 2010 is about to end, it might be helpful to take a step backwards and contemplate what this year has been like. This is the second year I've worked at Kyorin university, and although I've experienced many things, bad and good alike, over the past year, one thing I'm fully convinced of is that I have zero question that 2010 has been a far better year than 2009 was. What is it about this year that has made it so exquisite, you might ask? Well, there are many factors, but one obvious reason is because I was able to spend three weeks in Oxford as a supervisor of an academic tour.

Despite the fact that I major in English linguistics, and teach English at university, I am a rather introvert man. What I mean by "introvert" is that I have little overseas experience. I have been to the U.S. twice, first when I was a kid, and second when I was fifteen, but both for sightseeing and I stayed there just for a week. While I was studying linguistics at university, I didn't leave Japan at all. So, when I joined this summer's Oxford tour, I got out of this country for the first time in almost 15 years. No wonder I had been deeply worried, before going, about whether I could perform the important role of a supervisor. But once there, I was so busy enjoying everything I saw and heard that I couldn't afford to worry. The days I spent there have passed so hectically that there was no room for anxiety. Of course, I couldn't have enjoyed the tour so much without many people's generous and dedicated support. I would like to thank them from the bottom of my heart.

This three-week stay in Oxford has opened my eyes and broadened my horizons. I experienced what it was like to be in a totally different environment than the one where you had been brought up. Besides, Oxford is a deeply cultural city, known as the place where academia first materialized. As I am a (pseudo-)scholar myself, I hardly need to say that it was an exhilarating experience just to stay there even for a short time and bask in the historic ambience the city exudes.

But it was not only this that made my stay so cool. It was also the people I went with, that is, the students under my supervision. Some people say that as for traveling, it is not where you go but with whom you go there that counts. Well, I have to admit that where you go is important, but this does not preclude me from saying that the "with whom" part is just as significant. Yes, some, (or most), of the students were troublemakers. Others were not serious enough about studying. To say the least, all of them were not easy to handle. But if so, humans are basically not easy to handle. Some people seem to be malleable just because they hide their true feelings and try to avoid as much conflict as possible. Don't misunderstand me. I am not against doing this. Being able to do so is what it means to be an adult. And you have to be an adult, at least someday.

But sometimes, if you want to strike up an unalloyed friendship, it is necessary to stop hiding your true feelings, to stop pretending to be a person you are not, to frankly express yourself. Those students I went to Oxford with were not afraid of expressing themselves, not afraid of showing themselves as they really are. They were frank and straightforward. So, even if they often caused trouble, and gave me extra spadework, it was not so difficult to imagine what they felt and desired and it was not difficult even to sympathize with them. So, though I’ve no idea what they thought about me, I think that I was able to become friends with them. Through interacting with them, I remembered what it was like to have a true face-to-face communication with others. They reminded me of the obvious but often forgotten fact that it is not good to refrain from doing what you want to do or saying what you want to say. The world out there is certainly full of machination and mendacity, but I feel my three-week stay in Oxford was free of those two necessary vices.

You may criticize me for being too lenient to, or too lopsided in favor of, the students. Maybe, you are right. But I know that they were sometimes too childish and selfish. And I know that in the world of adults, it is necessary to "set aside childish things." But after all they are young. Not that I am old. But they are ten years younger than me. So just because they are as selfish and as childish as I used to be ten years ago does not constitute, at least from my point of view, enough reason to excoriate them. I think that instead of being critical of their flaws, it would be more salutary to focus on their strong qualities and try to learn therefrom. Indeed, they taught me a lot of things that I would otherwise have been unaware of.

Sometimes when you've grown up, you tend to think that you can no longer act like children because you are responsible for your own behaviors, which means that should you make a blunder, you will have to bear the consequences. And there is some truth to this; as an adult you have to be more prudent and discreet than as a child. But this kind of prudence, if put to such an extreme as to border on diffidence, will impede you from fulfilling your true potential .I conjecture that it is lingering childishness in you, your refusal to completely jettison your indiscreetness, that allows you to go beyond your ordinary self. Interacting with those people who are full of childishness, in this sense, emboldened me to be more childish, to be freer to express myself, to be my truer self. It reminded me of the “I” that I really wanted to be, or of the distance between that “I” and the “I” that I am now beginning to settle for. So it is no exaggeration to say that they made the trip all the more inspiring and meaningful, for which I am more grateful than I can say.

Apart from this Oxford tour, I think that some of my classes that I have been in charge of have also helped my second year at Kyorin to be better than the first. During Spring Semester, I taught the course named “English Grammar,” and though it is difficult to say that the class was completely successful, I've learned a lot of lessons from teaching it. First, the class was a sobering reminder that it is excruciatingly difficult to teach grammar to those who are not used to learning, or not ready to study, grammar. How frustrating it was to try to explain a subject to those who didn’t think it necessary at all to study it! But I’ve also learned that however hard your subject may be, if you try hard to explain it in as detailed a way as possible, at least those of your students who are willing to listen can understand what you are imparting. Indeed, one of the students said to me, "Though what you say is difficult, if I try hard to understand it, it is possible to do so." This opinion has encouraged me to hold to the conviction that teaching what is difficult as if it were easy and simple is just hypocritical and to continue to teach in the way I had done before.

But of course, all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. Basically I take the view that the sine qua non for studying is its arduousness, so I usually teach in rather strict ways, but I am by nature not so square and interested in making learning experience more enjoyable. So in the class “English Listening and Discussion,” where I am expected to improve the students' listening and speaking skills, I’ve made an experimental attempt to create a light-hearted atmosphere, in which the teacher and the students can interact with each other in a friendlier manner. Instead of concentrating on the process of imparting knowledge, I’ve tried to encourage communication and active participation in the class. Whether this provisional attempt has been successful I cannot tell, but I think this attitude on my part has helped create a good atmosphere and I’ve enjoyed teaching the class, and I hope that the students have enjoyed it too.

I have been talking about my work so far. But of course, it is not only work that has constituted my 2010. Even though I am an easy-going, optimistic person, sometimes I need an outlet for accumulated stress. Some of my friends helped me greatly in this respect. They organized great parties and invited me to them. They listened for my grumblings and gave me important advice. They sometimes encouraged me to have more confidence in myself. Without them, this year couldn’t have been even half as good as it really has been. I’d like to give my deepest gratitude to their kindness.

Taken together, the year 2010 has been a wonderful one. I’ve enjoyed and I learned a lot from it. But there needs to be no ceiling on the level of wonderfulness. Just because 2010 has been good doesn’t mean that 2011 shouldn’t be better. So, while waving good-bye to 2010, who is now leaving, I am already looking forward to meeting a new friend, in excited anticipation of what will be in store for me.